Oh, that Oprah. She giveth and she taketh away. Yesterday she gaveth about $5000 worth of loot to each lucky member of her congregation, er, audience. Shrieking, waving and dancing in place, like redeemed sinners at a pentecostal revival meeting, the Oprah crowd thanked the lord and Oprah (not necessarily in that order) for their cashmere Ralph Lauren cableknits, pink and blue Ugg boots (ugh is right), electronic gewgaws, high-priced bath products and smoked turkeys. Somehow, at this particular moment in the national conversation, Oprah's "ain't I grand for bein' so damn rich?" giveaway was an absolutely nauseating spectacle of self-aggrandizement, over-consumption of trendy crapola and out of control celebrity worship.

Today Oprah interviews a woman whose face was burned off. Think she'll walk away from Harpo studios with any sweaters, boots or palm pilots? Or is having Oprah air her tragic story reward enough, I wonder.

Little to say about "Average Joe" or "Joe Millionaire Part Deux." Both of these shows committed the biggest reality tv crime of all -- changing the rules mid-game. Bringing the trio of hunklets onto "Average." Letting the ousted Linda back on "JM" to cash in on her willingness to sleep with a monosyllabic cowboy. When he said, "The last time I seen her...." Well, that about says it all. He's Joe Below Average.