"I'm 23, which is almost 25, which is almost mid-20s." Jessica Simpson. The most quotable woman in America. I was at a dinner party last night -- fancy Italian joint, a dozen well-educated people talking films and literature. And whattaya know? The topic that united the table and amped the excitement like a jolt from a hot wire was "Newlyweds with Nick and Jessica." People started tossing quotes back and forth over the bruschetta like young Ms. Lachey was Dorothy Parker. "I don't eat buffalo." "Is this chicken or fish what I'm eating?" "Niiiiiiick, don't be mad at me!" This is the show stretching the boundaries of the American zeitgeist. Quick, repeat one thing Condoleezza Rice has ever said. I rest my case.

Barbra on Oprah. Loved the sweater. Loved the song. Loved the video of the dead doggie. Babs, you never disappoint. Oprah, you blew the opportunity to really interview the reclusive Ms. Streisand. Actually the "Oprah After the Show" segment that ran on Oxygen was better than the actual Oprah show because members of the audience -- all of whom looked more hopped up than Rush Limbaugh on a Saturday night -- got to ask their idol some burning questions. Their queries were waaay better than O's. Lately, hasn't Oprah seemed tired of the job? She flops back in the chair and seems to zone out. Paging Dr. Phil! Your mentor needs a wake-up call!

The finale of "Joe Schmo" is next week. The show has grown more freakishly fascinating with each week. Matt, the guy from the pizza shop in Pittsburgh, is the best reality show participant ever cast. Can't WAIT to see his hangdog face react when he finds out he's the Schmo.

"Nick, I thought mops had strings on 'em." LOVE HER!