Oh. Mah. Gawd. Can "Newlyweds" get any better? Nick and Jessica go to the senior citizen wedding -- massively hung over from a night of "discoing" in Cincinnati. Nick's granny and her new hubby were very cute -- why not a show about THESE newlyweds, huh? -- and you had to applaud when one of the guests, a guy who looked about 114, carefully parked his Lark scooter and then tumbled right to the carpet. Good times.

Poor little Jessica. She whines about her mean ol' record company who didn't like the way she sang "Sweetest Sin" because, well, face it, when she TRIES to sing, she sounds like one of those "American Idol" rejects who don't get it when Simon tells them to go back to waitressing. Jessica Simpson is to popular music what O.J. Simpson is to... popular music.

Nick, however, seems to have some talent and a knack for record producing (he helped wifey with re-recording the mess). So again, What's He Doing With This Bimbo? The clock is ticking down on this marriage even as we type.