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Send your comments about TV -- reality or un -- to ELinerTV@aol.com. And check out my other blog: PhantomProf.blogspot.com.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Look, just because I haven't posted anything in weeks doesn't mean I haven't been scanning the tube. Yes, I saw "The Bachelor" with its requisite brunette stalker and the weekly announcement that "This week's rose ceremony is the most dramatic yet!" They never are, are they? I saw LaToya get voted off "AI" and Amber win "Survivor All-Stars" after accepting that sleazy Rob's oily proposal.

Why do I feel so empty?

Reality TV is in the summer doldrums and we're barely out of May sweeps. If it weren't for "Sopranos," I would have no "appointment television" at all.

Daytime Emmys? As Mario Cantone hilariously wrapped it up on this morning's "The View," this ceremony attracts "people you've never heard of winning awards nobody cares about." Wayne Brady? Suze Orman? In the words of the immortal Martha Stewart when she looked down the driveway at Turkey Hill Farm and saw the feds approaching, "Who are these fucking people?"

"The Real World: San Diego"? They go to Greece and hang out in an Irish bar. As usual, the gang gets vomit-drunk and then has a big screaming fight with Frankie. What would make this girl happy? She's on Santorini on an all-expense-paid vacation, staying in a luxurious suite with a view of the azure sea, and she has her mad face on 24/7.

"Fear Factor"? 'fraid not.

"The Swan"? More like "Attack of the Clones."

"Extreme Makeover"? Better is FX's "Nip/Tuck," a newly acquired addiction that saves Sunday nights post-Sopranos.

Oh, TV, what's happened to you? 110 channels and nothing's on. Hello darkness, my old friend.