This week in Creepy TV

When Star Jones clopped back onto the set of The View this week, admit it, we were all staring at her new breasts. And for that, I am very, very ashamed. And a little frightened. According to legend, if you stare directly at her breasts, you will turn into a big block of cheese. (I still can't look at her without thinking of a term I once heard: obesely gaunt.)

Shown on CNN and elsewhere, Justin Berry, main subject of a long NYT expose by Kurt Eichenwald, testified before a Congressional panel that he began taking off his clothes for Internet pedophiles and accepting gifts of cash from them when he was 13. At 19 the smoothly handsome kid spoke with little emotion about his descent into the world of underage porn. His father approved of his activity and encouraged it. Leading to yet another creepy moment--this time on Larry King Live, center of the cable creepy-TV universe-- as Larry asked Justin where his father was while he was getting hit on by pedophiles. Not two minutes later, Larry asked the same question again as though he had no memory of it. Very Uncle Junior, that Larry.

OK, is Lost all a product of the twisted mind of the fat guy? That's what might be inferred from this week's brain-boinking episode of the confounding ABC drama. He has an imaginary friend and more voices in his head than Roseanne Barr, but is it really just his dream? And in that dream does he meet a comatose Tony Soprano? Or Star Jones' old breasts?

Creepy-great title for this week's Sopranos: The Fleshy Part of the Thigh. Bobby gets 7 grand for popping an ambitious rapper in the rump with a bullet. But isn't that just a metaphor for finding the one spot that's vulnerable without being fatal?

Speaking of vulnerable, Paula Abdul seems on the verge of toppling over the same precipice Lost's fat guy was perched on. After Tuesday's live American Idol she reported to police that she'd received a "concussion" and other injuries at a party Sunday night. Is a convenient brain injury just another way to explain bonzo behavior? What was that again about moths and mushrooms?

Mandisa got the boot on AI and blessed us all in the name of Jesus. Now if only we could hook her up with all of Star Jones' old big-girl clothes, the circle would be complete.