Laguna bleach and other woes

Been watching TV more often than writing about it. Thassaway it goes sometimes. When MTV's running a Laguna Beach marathon, it's better than a fistful of Ambien. Between naps I can watch "LC" get drunk with Stephen in Rosarita, Meheeko, while back in Cali, her nemesis -- her bleached blond Dr. Evil in Antik jeans -- Kristin, strolls the avenues, terrorizing lesser mortals. And what's with Talan, falling for Kristin's obvious come-ons? And who's the goateed satyr cutting through Laguna's teen girl tribes like a surfboard through a sweet curl? It's all too, too wonderful. Other blogs claim LC has a job with Teen Vogue. I'll bet she's one of those girls who call magazines "books," because they've never read the other kind.

Still haven't found Situation: Comedy, which Bravo has hidden deeper than Catherine Zeta Jones' birth certificate.

Still loving Kathy Griffin and her D-list life.

Brat Camp came to a blizzardy end with all the kids being reunited with their 'rents as the cameras rolled and the music swelled. Then we were treated to a 20-minute "follow-up" to find out how well the rehab "took" with the 9 kids on the show. Two went back to their old ways immediately. The mean boy was arrested for painting racial slurs on some public building. And Jada, always ID'd onscreen as "habitual liar," talked her folks into taking her out of boarding school and she went right back to being a user and a loser. She's Jerri Blank with better hair.

Big Brother 6 remains unwatchable, though I try. I really try. That Howie guy is a goon.

Then comes the coverage of Hurricane Katrina. Now we know it's not a real show until Anderson Cooper shows up to do those terrifying remotes from the eye of the storm. And there he was on CNN, his 80-lb frame buffeted by the winds so hard I was worried he might snap in two and his crunchy, light filling spilled for all to see. Local anchors repeatedly mispronounced "Biloxi," reporters' cell phones seemed to cut out just when it was their turn to talk and one channel kept playing a piece of tape of a poor man telling a reporter that he'd watched his wife float away in the flood waters. Too, too tragic to be used as TV fodder.

That's the sort of reality TV that TV doesn't do well. They don't seem to know what to do or say when things get really bad in these natural disasters.

The other reality TV writes better scripts.