Uncle Mikey is out on "The Family." All the gay guys are out and proud on "Boy Meets Boy." And on "Big Brother 4," Jun is out on a day-pass for the MTV awards. But will she wear her saggy bikini on the red carpet?

Of these three, clearly "Boy" was the most dramatic this week. One of the trio of finalist "mates" is -- don't get the vapors, Mary -- straight. Informed of this twist, James, our 'mo dreamboat, furrowed his brow about one millimeter and sank down telegenically onto one of the groovy mid-century sofas in his spaceship-like Palm Springs house (this place looks like something Maj. Nelson and Jeannie might have settled down in). James' hag, I mean, girlfriend, went into a hetero tizzy over the straight-guy revelation, screeching that it's all her fault for "shoving these guys down your throat." Ahem. Well, not yet, dear. Shoot, these dudes don't even kiss on the lips. I've seen hairdressers greet customers with more tongue.

My guess is the little squinty-eyed guy -- Wade, Wes, Wad, Fess? -- is the un-gay one. Gorgeous Franklin is gay but slutty. James wants him bad but wonders why he's not nellier. Oh, the tangled webs they weave. And for what, a lousy $25K? No parting gifts? Dug the candle explosion though. Make up your own "flamer" joke here.

And back to "The Family" for a tick. Go, Dawn Marie! Or as they pronounce it in Jersey-ese: "Daw-wun, Mah-REE." Next week, Lurch and his kitchen minions reveal that they are the secret "board of trustees." And George Hamilton takes his tan out for martoonis. Smiles, everybody! Da plane! Da plane!