Again, I'm fascinated by the sheer, stupid brilliance of "Joe Schmo" on the Spike channel. Matt, the "Joe" of the show, is the only one who doesn't know that the entire enterprise is scripted, acted and directed to make him the butt of the jokes and, I hope, the winner of the $100K on the fake "Lap of Luxury" show he thinks he's on. Matt is such a sweetheart that he counsels the other "contestants" about their behavior. (They're all actors pretending to be the reality-tv stereotypes of the bitch, the virgin, the bully, etc.) The show is a flesh-fest and Matt, built like he's been living on a diet of Twinkies and rootbeer, is the only one embarrassed by it. They're made to roll around in honey (dressed in skimpy swimwear) and then to stick dollar bills to themselves. They have to lick chocolate off a half-nude "model" to uncover word clues stuck to her flesh. Poor Matt hates the taste of chocolate. Sweet Matt hates to see anyone else humiliated. So when the virgin's fake-boyfriend arrives as a surprise and acts like he's horrified at seeing his sweet young gal wearing a string bikini, covered in honey and money, Matt, handcuffed to her (long story), turns his back as they pretend to argue. Just wants to give the girl some privacy. He asks for a robe to cover her up while her boyfriend is yelling at her. Matt is a mensch. And the producers of "Joe Schmo" keep getting foiled in their attempts to make him the schlemiel. He's actually writing their script.

Best moment from this week's "Newlyweds." Jessica tells Nick they'll have to "re-wall their house" because he nicked the paintjob moving a 2-ton dresser up the staircase. He just looks at her like she has three extra heads -- all of them filled with little yellow butterflies.