"Camp Jim!" Thank you! This spin-off of "Made," the teen-works-to-realize-a-dream series, has hooked me good and proper. Give me a J! Give me an I! Give me an M! Now, give me a break! This Jim guy is a PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADER. He's so gay, he makes the "Queer Eye" Fab Five look like a hockey team. Jim can Herkie like a 15-year-old and he has thick black eyebrows plucked with more precision than Joan Crawford's in "Mildred Pierce." Come to think of it, "Camp Jim" has a lot in common with Miss Crawford. There are weepy teenagers right and left and then Jim, who is coaching these pathetic, acne-ridden critters in the art of the cheer, gets in their chubby little faces and SCREAMS like Mommie Dearest opening the closet door and finding a wire hanger under one of Tina's party dresses. Jim and closets? That's too easy. Favorite Jim-ism so far: "Cry me a river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!"

Over on "Survivor," things are growing powerful strange. With the threat of Rupert being voted out last night, I suddenly had terrifying images of having nothing to watch on Thursdays at midnight (when I see my pre-taped episode). Surely, the Drakes won't be THAT stupid. They did finally vote out Trish, and wasn't that the first time we'd ever seen her or heard her name spoken on this series? Who was she? What conch shell had she been hiding under?

And sigh, the season finale of "Newlyweds" finds them taking an anniversary trip to the horse races. "Seabiscuit is racing today," Nick jokes to his wife. Answers she: "The real one?" Somewhere, George Burns and Gracie Allen are smiling.