Dancing with the geeks

Looks like the fix was in on Dancing with the Stars. Kelly Monaco, the soap vixen whose pair of bubbles threatened to burst from her ever-shrinking costumes, ended her "free dance" with a thud on both knees. And the idiot judges awarded her three perfect 10s.

Mr. Peterman, you wuz robbed. John O'Hurley and his Danish delight of a dance partner were the class of this show. They were why I kept watching. But networks love a "come from behind" story. Speaking of which, photos of Ms. Monaco's bare one are all over the web.

The WB's Beauty & the Geek ended just right, with the cutest geek, Chuck, vying for the prize money and the... what? Title of smartest geek? ... against Richard, a central casting geek who looks like Screech's younger bro. One thing you can say about the geeks on this little dose of "reality," they were all gentleman. Nobody got too drunk. Nobody grabbed ass in the hot tub. I'll take a geek like these over the hunky lunks on Strip Search any day.

CBS did not pre-empt the first night of Big Brother 6 for London terrorism coverage. So we got to meet the 14 "housemates" in the newly re-uglified tele-prison and hear hostess with the leastest Julie Chen utter the phrase "Aitch-Oh-Aitch" over and over. So far the only housemate worth hating fer sher is Howie, the tallest and gooniest.

Weird how so many "personal trainers" and "bartenders" end up as contestants on reality shows. It's as if the casting folk look no further than their gyms and neighborhood bars for non-stars to populate these things.

Coming up: E! channel's deliciously frightful Fight for Fame and VH1's Kept, starring Jerry Hall, who manages to have both a Texas twang and a British accent. Rah-thuh, y'all.