Love those models. Every week on "America's Next Top Model," the remaining wraiths get thinner and more emotional. This week, the four left -- April, Shandi, Mercedes and Yoanna (I've finally learned their names! How sad!) -- slutted around Milan, bonking Vespa drivers and knocking back plonk until they were vewy, vewy dwunk. If ol' Janet Jackson hadn't flashed her nipple and sent American media into a shitstorm, we might have seen more uncensored footage of the all-nude, girl-on-girl photo session that the girls had to do the day after their vino-fest with the handsome ragazzi. But noooo. All we got were arms and legs. Skinny arms and legs. And April -- bossy, bossy -- got the Gucci boot off the show. The judges actually said "she thinks too much." If you want to be a supermodel, turn off two things: brain and appetite.

My appetite AND my brain are addicted to this show, however, and I'm still pulling for Shandi, the former Walgreen's salesgirl, to head down the final runway a winner.