Think Simon Cowell is mean? How about Janice Dickinson, one of the panel of "judges" on "America's Next Top Model" (UPN)? "You walk like a linebacker," the aging supermodel and former druggie told one of the bony contestants this week. Show host and producer Tyra Banks has even less patience with the tall, terrified and obviously underweight girls pony-stepping down her runway. "You can't walk! You need help with your walk," says Tyra (who told my friend Bruce recently that when she first started modeling, she was called "Fivehead" because her forehead was so big).

The wannabe supermodels live together in a Manhattan loft (no need for a kitchen! who eats?). They pose for glamour photos (sometimes in the altogether) and they submit to microscopic scrutiny by the panel of judges. One of the girls -- Shandy? Shelly? -- works at a WalMart back home. Out of makeup, she looks like the pathetic creature nobody wanted to sit with in high school lunchroom. In makeup, she's a stunner. But her confidence is zero and she walks like a giraffe with a rock in its hoof.

So far they've kicked off the Christian girl (no nude shots for her!) and the one with the fake breasts (hello, Hooters job!). Word on the 'net is that everyone blows off some steam (and no telling what else) in a free-for-all orgy this week. You can almost hear the bones clanking now.