How disappointing! I tune into "Celebrity Mole" expecting to see Cindy Crawford, Richard Thomas, Enrique Iglesias and Aaron Neville and what do I find? Corbin Bersen? Tracey Gold? Stephen Baldwin! As far as I can tell, not one of them has so much as a pimple or blackhead, much less a full-fledged mole.

"Extreme Makeover." If I actually wanted to see bodies this ugly for entertainment, I'd stop showering in the dark.

"Living it up with Ali and Jack!" How will Ali and Jack ever live it down?

And Regis Philbin's cat died. Doesn't that automatically raise the national alert level to red?