First, a moment of silence in recognition of "Real World" creator-producer Mary Ellis Bunim, who died recently at the age of 57. Brilliant woman. Pretty much invented the whole reality TV genre -- and kept it growing on MTV for about a decade before the idiot broadcast networks finally wised up and started exploiting it. Bunim-Murray Productions has given us "Real World," "Road Rules" and "The Simple Life," to name a few.

OK, down to bidness. I am still exhausted from a weekend of reality-gasms, including the "Survivor All-Stars" debut (postponed till nearly 10 p.m. by some stupid football game), "America's Next Top Model," "Average Joe" and "My BFOF."

Memos to each. To All-Stars: Use Kathy's glasses to make fire. Sun shines through glasses, makes tinder burn, makes fire start. Fire lets you boil the bad water. (Idiots.)

To America's Next Top Models: Give Shandi a sandwich. Give Xiomara a kick in the ass.

To the Average Joes: You don't have a chance against the Hunks. Realize now that your dates with Larissa will be the last time you get to sit near, talk to or possibly kiss a woman who isn't wearing sensible shoes and a nametag. Without risking a Temporary Restraining Order, that is.

To the producers of "My BFOF": I love you and want to have your babies. Brilliant TV! Steve and his family (all actors) are the funniest bunch of hicks in a mansion since "The Beverly Hillbillies." I predict the "sister" will attempt suicide and "dad" will hit on Randi. Let's all go to the fancy eatin' table and after that, the cement pond!