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Send your comments about TV -- reality or un -- to ELinerTV@aol.com. And check out my other blog: PhantomProf.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Yo, Yoanna. The girl won "America's Next Top Model" after weeks of being told that her size 2 form was too flabby and that she "needs to work on her stomach." Gawd, her cheeks are so sunken in from lack of nutrients, she appears to be chewing her own jaws. But she's gorgeous and she strutted down the runway in the fabulous "professional fashion show" like the prize show pony she is. The big TEST on the finale of this -- the BEST DAMNED REALITY SHOW EVER AIRED -- was COULD THEY WALK? Shandi, eliminated first out of the final three, was determined to "have a bad walk" and a look in her eyes that was "confused." Mercedes walked perfectly fine, but she was doomed for "looking too commercial."

In what other contest on this planet is the winner determined by the ability to put one foot in front of the other, walking in a straight line?

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Love those models. Every week on "America's Next Top Model," the remaining wraiths get thinner and more emotional. This week, the four left -- April, Shandi, Mercedes and Yoanna (I've finally learned their names! How sad!) -- slutted around Milan, bonking Vespa drivers and knocking back plonk until they were vewy, vewy dwunk. If ol' Janet Jackson hadn't flashed her nipple and sent American media into a shitstorm, we might have seen more uncensored footage of the all-nude, girl-on-girl photo session that the girls had to do the day after their vino-fest with the handsome ragazzi. But noooo. All we got were arms and legs. Skinny arms and legs. And April -- bossy, bossy -- got the Gucci boot off the show. The judges actually said "she thinks too much." If you want to be a supermodel, turn off two things: brain and appetite.

My appetite AND my brain are addicted to this show, however, and I'm still pulling for Shandi, the former Walgreen's salesgirl, to head down the final runway a winner.